plz talk dirty to me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
