i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
