Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This is the high leading the old right now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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