i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
