she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
