your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
