Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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