i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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