she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
