I understand Curling. That high.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
