I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
