As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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