i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
