the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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