Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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