We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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