Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
