I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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