i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
