my mouth tastes like poor choices
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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