According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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