You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
