Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
