So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
