Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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