I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
