Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
