I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
