Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
