I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
