I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
