i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
