office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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