just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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