I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
