he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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