Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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