This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
