don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
