Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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