I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I need help removing her.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
