I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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