In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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