Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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