she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
