I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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