i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
