after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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