I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
