My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
