yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
