What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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